So Captain America fell on me.

I have always had trouble sleeping in new places. Sleeping requires a calm, clear head, and it’s when my head is calm and clear that unbidden and anxious thoughts tend to sneak in. So, it generally takes me a couple of days to settle in to a new bed.

I didn’t go out last night, even though it was the foam party and everyone else in my block was going, because my exhaustion from late nights and early starts the past two days had caught up and I was pretty much on the floor.  Instead, I got into my pyjamas, chilled out with Netflix, tea and ginger biscuits for a couple of hours and dropped off to sleep relatively easily.

At 5am, my Captain America poster fell off the wall and landed on my face.

And then at 8am, the annual fire drill happened.

Bedrooms, Bug Mugs and Blu-tack

So, I’m finally at university! I’ve got an amazing room with nothing but trees, grass and birdsong outside the window and some lovely flatmates. I also have an enormous amount of clothing drying in my bathroom as I decided to start doing all my laundry twenty four hours before I left home.

As the resident Zoologist and the only one in my flat who isn’t scared of insects, I am now the dedicated bug-removal service. I even have my very own Bug Mug, because what better use for the single orange, #HappyHalls-emblazoned, plastic mug we were given in the kitchen of the flat.

I’m enormously glad there’s no pressure on me to go out and party – in fact, several of my flatmates are already in bed! As it is, I’m very tired too; I got up at 5.15am to finish packing the car and to get ready to spend the morning shooting target rifle at the National Shooting Centre, Bisley (that place I mentioned right before I dropped off the face of the earth for several months). This is why this post is a rambling mess, but I decided to post it anyway because there’s only one first day of university. And I’m spending it alone in my room, writing a blog post…

Oh well. There’s a roller disco tomorrow night and I absolutely have to be fresh for that because there is no way I’m passing up the opportunity to show off my mean skillz (sarcasm entirely intended).

In the meantime, here’s a badly-taken picture of my room, complete with Captain America poster stuck up with blu-tack, which isn’t breaking the rules because I checked.

Oh god, I really do need some sleep.

I have a double bed too! And an insanely strict guest policy…well played, RHUL, well played.

This is not going to be a happy week of posts

Welp. That’s it. My life is over.

I suppose I’d better just spit out the results:

General Studies (B), English Lit (B), Biology (C), Psychology (C), Extended Project (B).

BBCC is not a bad result (unless you go to my school, meaning I can never speak of my results to anyone who attends there, ever). However, it is not enough to get me to Royal Holloway, the entrance requirements being ABB for the courses I’m considering.

On the other hand…if I call up Royal Holloway and offer to do whatever they feel is necessary to gain a place, whether that be resit all of my exams or dance around Gloucester wearing nothing but a dunce’s cap and a bikini made out of my results (maybe not), perhaps they will consider me.

Of course, the next step is to actually start the applications process. Maybe, just maybe, if I can write an impressive enough Personal Statement and kind of…gloss over the actual results…

OK, that’s my stock of hope used up for the day.

Royal Holloway have a reputation for accepting people with lower grades than the requirements, but I’m not sure if they’d do it for someone who’s applying with the grades already.

The worst part is that the Cs are in subjects I really needed As for. The Psychology was dragged down by my PSYA4 paper, which I got an E in. The Biology results were just terrible all around. This is a major problem for me: Biology is my favourite subject, I’m pretty good at it in a lesson situation, I dare say I’m very good at it when I have to apply it in actual situations, but the exams cause me to fall to pieces. Mostly because I didn’t revise enough. There, I said it: I Did Not Do Enough Revision. Of course, I did more than I ever have in my life (four weeks solid revising) and that definitely bumped it up a couple of UMS points.

But, anyway, c’est la vie, and I can retake. This time, I can retake without the stress of school and music exams. I can retake where I want and in whatever exams I want. 

The only thing that worries me about retaking is that I’m scared I’ll bugger it all up by panicking in the exam again. I’ve been so much better recently, but I also know that I panic in exam situations. I’m absolutely terrified that I’ll spend a lot of money on retaking, get a semi-conditional offer at Royal Holloway, and come out of it with mediocre grades again.

I suppose the only thing to do now is wait until tomorrow and call Royal Holloway. I am honestly prepared to do anything it takes to get there; it is my dream university.

There are two reasons for why I’m waiting until tomorrow to call them. Clearing is taking priority today, and I have a year to sort out my problems, whereas other people only have a few weeks. Also, I got slightly less than three hours sleep last night and I am mildly concerned that my eyeballs are about to fall out of my head.