Ask any of my friends that I have talked to over the past six months and they will tell you that a major theme in my life is whining about how I don’t have a boyfriend.
I got asked out yesterday.
However, to put my own spin on the old adage: ‘You wait ages for a bus and then a Hammerhead Eagle i-Thrust comes along.’
Now, it may seem a tad hypocritical for me to turn down the only boy who’s shown the slightest hint of proactive behaviour when it comes to winning my fair hand, but I really, really, really don’t want to go out with my barely-literate and slightly scary next door neighbour. I think this is a fair response. Also, I don’t like how he treats his animals, and treatment of animals is actually a surprisingly large factor in my choice of boyfriend. I won’t go as far as to say that I dumped my last boyfriend because of his insistence on dropping my cats from waist height to see if they bounced, but I’m not not saying it, either.
So, to update my criteria for choosing a bounce-buddy: if your name is not Captain America, you need not apply.
PS: The Great Storm Of 2013 is due to hit tonight. The prime minister has actually called an emergency meeting to deal with it.