Oh, the joys of being a woman…

When I started this blog, I promised I would be truthful when writing. This is the reason for this post, which highlights a massive problem in female beauty regimes involving a certain battery-powered machine.

I am talking, of course, about epilation.

For those of you who don’t know what epilation is, I will give you the PR explanation. It is a method of removing body hair by means of a machine comprising a rotating head containing tweezers, which makes it ‘a combination of shaving and waxing’.

I happen to own an epilator. Before using it, I did what I do with any product, and read every review I could get my cursor on to find out what I was letting myself in for. The majority of reviews mentioned minor stinging but overall good results.

I have been forced to conclude that these reviews were either written by women who have undergone labour and feel no womanly pain any more, or by plastic models from the PR departments of hair-removal product companies.

I have just used an epilator on my underarms for the first time.

Oh, I’m aware that using one hurts; I epilate my legs. However, I have never been brave enough to epilate my underarms because dammit; I already know how much it hurts my legs.

Tonight, I decided I could face the pain and completely epilate my underarms.

Let me reiterate what an epilator does, in my own words (and experiences). It is a handheld machine containing a rotating head. This rotating head contains many small blades, which move from side to side as the head spins, trapping any hairs and pulling them out.

It is a machine that yanks out individual hairs. It does this slowly, as hairs appear to take two or three grabs to actually come out. It is also billed as ‘suitable and effective for the bikini area’.

I’m telling you, there is no way that thing is going near my crotch. It made me bleed. I’m fairly sure that the reason it is so effective in preventing regrowth is because it causes so much trauma to your roots (not that this is a bad thing, it’s just very difficult to remember when you’re using Satan’s handheld torture machine).

And the worst part? It still doesn’t get all the hairs.


This is the internet. Go on, start an argument.

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