On Britishness and Spiders

I am now convinced that there is no such thing as an ‘English Summer’. ‘English Spring’ is an even more elusive concept, and the only way this could be ‘God’s own country’ is if God wanted to live in a land of lies.

Once again, I am fulfilling every British stereotype by talking about the weather.

Guess what? We had the warmest day of the year last week! It reached a whopping 12°C before the clouds came back. Now, however, the weather has turned again. They predicted snow last week. What they didn’t predict was that the snow (although at this point I think it would be fair to call it ice spears of death) would be accompanied by freezing rain, freezing temperatures and freezing wind. Now, it may seem like I’m being a tad beyond stupid when I imply that it is unreasonable for the air temperature to be cold when it is snowing. However, it is unusual for it to be this cold. While the actual temperature is something like 0°C, the gusts mean that it feels like it’s -10°C. I know this because I looked it up on the Met Office website, because I’m British and therefore place far too much faith in the weather forecast.

On top of the freezing everything and the weather warnings and the Do Not Go Outside winds and cold, it is also sunny. There are large stretches of clear blue sky, the sun has been shining for most of the day…and it’s snowing heavily. It is one of the weirder things I have seen with regards to the English weather. Add in the mini-cyclones made up of leaves and the only conclusion I can draw from this is that Mother Nature is premenstrual.

In other news, I went to work yesterday in soaking wet trousers because they had just come out of the wash and I’m an idiot.

In other, other news…I was reading an article on Cracked.com and I wasn’t too bothered about the 6 inch spider until I remembered that 6 inches is the size of a small ruler and then I flipped out and vowed never to eat another banana again. I keep seeing spiders wearing banana skins interspersed with this:

I think I'm done with Oreo's...

And now I’ve just remembered that we’re back into spider season.

Fuck.

Advertisements

This is the internet. Go on, start an argument.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s