Today, we got to listen to a few snippets of House Music. For those that don’t know, House Music is an event where all the school houses compete with each other by singing songs and playing music. Each house provides an orchestra, a jazz band, a boys choir and a girls choir.
It’s the choirs that tend to provide the most entertainment. As the aim is to get as many people as possible in each choir, vocal quality is often sacrificed. My house hasn’t done too badly this year. Our girls choir performed the full-length version of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ and managed to sound incredible, with some sterling performances on the parts of the soloists. Our boys choir, on the other hand…
Oh boys. It’s never a good idea to get fifty extremely musically challenged, pubescent males onto a stage to sing ‘That’s What Makes You Beautiful’. Especially when only one of your four soloists can hold a tune. At certain points the mangling of what was already a particularly awful song was too much to bear. Using Mrs P’s gauge* of how awful the performance was, they rated a ‘cover your face with your hands’. Although at least we didn’t throw glitter at the audience, like another choir I could mention…
However, special mention must go to The Yellow House (names have been changed) for their rendition of ‘Jerusalem’. Or, ‘Je-moo-salem’ as it was renamed. The first verse (conveniently mentioning cows) sounded uncommonly like a herd of tone-deaf bovines. There were at least five different keys going on, separate to the three harmonies. On Mrs P’s scale of awfulness*, this one went all the way to a ‘leave the room in horror’.
However, I cannot criticise, as I didn’t take part in House Music (the horror of Year 7 was too much for me). But there’s a reason why we’re a sports and science college.
Also, like I said, here’s my daily punishment for the loss of my sense of humour:
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, you idiot, BREATHE!
*Mrs P is a teacher at my school, and her reactions were a good indicator of the quality of performance.